I drench it in cinnamon.
It is ready to eat once I have drenched it in cinnamon.
When my husband and I went to Washington on vacation, we ate Cinnabon for two different meals.
When my husband and I want to Vancouver on vacation, we ate their cinnamon rolls for two different meals.
All I have to do is walk by that place and smell the cinnamon rolls and the next thing I know I am in the store ordering.
All I have to do is walk by and smell the cinnamon rolls and the next thing I know I am in the store ordering.
Sadly, when we returned from Vancouver, the Cinnabon was closed, so we couldn't get any to go.
Sadly, when we returned from Vancouver, the store in the airport was closed, so we couldn't get any to go.
This was a very valuable exercise. I learned that I tend to repeat the same word usage over and over. My husband pointed out that I used the word Cinnabon 8 times in one paragraph, so I changed some of them. I think it will sound a lot better once I did. I also have a couple of really awkward short sentences that don't describe what I am saying well enough. One of the challenges I had with this was my husband didn't really know what the assignment was, so he wasn't sure what to think of my topic. He did think my topic was a little superficial, so I might think about changing it a little. I don't think he quite got the whole picture of how good cinnamon is, or how much I love it. He knows because he knows me, but I don't think I really went deep enough. I might look into seeing how much deeper I can go on my descriptions or explain why cinnamon is so good. It was also a good thing that he didn't really know the assignment because then he can focus on the writing itself. He can tell me what sounds weird or is out of flow with the rest of the sentences there. He gave me a lot of suggestions that might take starting from scratch, and I am not sure I want to go that far, but there were a few suggestions that will really help me. Like he suggested I have more fun with it. I might be able to work that in. Writing too serious is another thing I find myself doing too much. I write straight forward. I don't really see other angles I can take on it. It would probably be better to lighten it up a little, especially considering my topic.
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I like the few changes that you made to those sentences. They seem to have a little more punch in them. It is a good idea to have more fun with your writing, it makes it much more interesting! Don't worry, it is definitely something that I need to work on myself.
ReplyDeleteI actually don't like most of the revisions you made. I feel that you CAN communicate a huge amount with short sentences. In most cases, they have more of an impact than lengthy descriptions. They focus in on an action and image. They draw the due attention to it.
ReplyDeleteAs to the repetition in your essay I would suggest using modifiers and euphemisms, especially for "Cinnabon" and cinnamon. Euphemisms are amazing. Once more, for emphasis. Euphemisms are amazing! They can change the tone and create the "fun vibe" you've been craving. (Ex: Heaven's Bakery for "Cinnabon" ) I think it's ironic that your whole essay is about a spice, a wonderful and distinct spice. Yet you have gotten caught up in the hum-drum of ugh, essay that there isn't much literary spice to it.
I would also suggest that you eat a cinnamon roll before you sit down to write. Not only is it good for the pen, it's good for the soul. See what you see, smell what you smell, feel what you feel. Then write it.
Now, I have suddenly have craving that desperately needs feeding. Thanks for essay!