Changed: In the beginning, the fringes serve a superior purpose; the bare paper serves no one.
Original: The fringes become broken, limbs strangely projecting where the binding met. They no longer have the shape to perform their responsibility therefore existing without purpose and meaning.
Changed: The fringes become broken, limbs strangely projecting where the binding met; no longer the shape to perform their responsibility, they exist without purpose and meaning.
Original: The fringes were once the support of the rectangular paper but the paper is now the support of entire ideas written upon its whitewashed surface.
Changed: The fringes were once the support of the rectangular paper; however, the paper is now the support of entire ideas written upon its whitewashed surface.
Original: Once removed from the paper and binding, the fringes lay naked, broken, and slightly shriveled-destined to be thrown in the trash while their honorable responsibility and notability are forgotten.
Changed: Once removed from the paper and binding, the fringes lay naked, broken, and slightly shriveled, the carcass of what once was. The fringes end there: thrown in the trash while their honorable responsibility and notability are forgotten.
Original: Without these delicate yet durable fringes chaos would prevail as the paper would disperse in all directions away from the binding subject to the mercy of the wind or external sources.
Changed: Without these delicate yet durable fringes, chaos would prevail as the paper would disperse in all directions, subject to the mercy of the wind or external sources.
Original: The fringes act as a support attaching the paper to the spiral binding, they are the keystone of the relationship between paper and binding.
Changed: The fringes act as a support attaching the paper to the spiral binding; they are the keystone of the relationship between paper and binding.
Through this exercise I actually improved my sentences and how they sound. I always thought grammar limits what you can do and how the writing flows. I feel more confident because it helped me express how I wanted my essay to be read. In a way you can control the reader by telling them where to pause, where to emphasis, where to slow down. I don't like grammar but I do like the power that it can give one.
50 minutes
I like how you had concrete examples of the changes you made, it was alot easier to make the connection and see that things were improving. Overall I liked the changes that you made, and the progress was evident. I'm with you on not liking grammar. I would have given this a little intro to make obvious what you are doing exactly when you say original, changed. I understood, but the reader shouldn't have to stop and figure things out, you should have already explained or connected ideas.
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