I will be searching for these signs. One of my favorites is the smell. The smell of Autumn is soothing and at the same time gives me chills out of pure excitement, knowing it is here. It is rotten apples, dead leaves, pumpkin, cinnamon and a pinch of frigid air all mixed yet every one of them is detectable. To myself that is. Fall smells different to everyone.
The mountains during the winter are white and beautiful covered in a blanket of snow. Spring time comes and the mountains are shades of brown and green. In the summer they are mostly browns and dead greens, having been dried out in the long summer heat; it is like they have heat exhaustion. Fall rolls around and the trees finally begin to relax. Their leaves turn majestic colors of red, yellow, brown, and orange.
The trees all over the valley then begin to shed a years worth of leaves. The beautiful colors leap from their branches to rest on the cold, damp earth. They cover the ground like a mosaic. People rake them into large piles and jump into them. The smell of fall is strong in those large piles of leaves. Eventually the leaves are raked up and stuffed into large, ugly garbage cans. It think that the leaves should stay in nature -- where they belong. The process will start all over though. It won’t be the last time I will see this happen.
Something else that happens in the fall makes me so joyous I can hardly stand it. Dad and I share feelings on this subject: football. The roar of a crowd is enough to get adreline dancing through my veins. Moments of holding your breath in silence while watching the Autumn colored ball soar through the air is thrilling and frightening just waiting, watching for the reciever to clench his hands on it. Anticipation as the last few seconds run off the clock and the opposition is in possession with 7 and Goal. Hysteria breaks out with a winning score and the fans rush the field. The sport unites families, friends and many strangers. Football is amazing.
Fall is a closing of the year. Everything is ending and about to start over. It is one last push before we all get to take a sigh and relax. But fall is not the relaxing part. We look ahead and see the light at the end of the tunnel for which we are striving to reach and attain. Working hard (or hardly working?) and waiting for our ending to come.
45 min.
I am so sad that fall is coming or is here, but your writing did remind me of all the good things about fall. It was really well written.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good beginning.
ReplyDeleteBut it is taking every ounce of strength I've got to keep from dousing my screen in red ink.
No offense. I know you are a good writer and that this is unrevised. And it is only because I see potential that I am having spasms. If you're going to write about Fall, how much you love it, what all goes with it, etc. write about it ACTIVELY! There are way too many "to be" verbs and expressionless adverbs here that start to get very predictable. Take that packet with the methods of revision we used in class and attack this essay. Attack. Put it under severe siege. Or write it from the place I know you are coming from. It is evident that you love Fall...so where does the last paragraph get off? Makes me want to slit my wrists. Then turn around and slit someone else's. Sheesh.
Don't be afraid to say things that don't necessarily make logical sense. Something that your mind naturally connects. Coincidentally, it will make your piece more cohesive. It is there that you will find your spice, your flavor, your own unique culmination of writing ingredients that make your essay scrumdilliumpsus! Thanks for sharing!
Oh dear. That bad? Thanks I will work on that.
ReplyDeleteYour piece is not bad at all. I think Miki is expressing enthusiasm for writing and this piece's potential.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of this is when you describe the smell of fall. You could probably write a poem just using the descriptions here. You write about your own perspective--so don't worry about not expressing a generalized autumn. Keep it personalized.
I want to know the smells of fall in connection to football.
This piece does have a lot of potential. It's a matter of Delete or Delve. Focus on the most important parts and then thoroughly explore them.