Last Words

Starting out the semester, I thought I could do it all.  I never thought of endless papers and tests.  I was hopeful that I would be able to do everything and then have a great social life after.  I was wrong.

My last words to my first semester at BYU.  Goodbye.  No more extremely heavy workloads in one semester, it's not very healthy.  Almost every day this semester I got up early to go to my practices.  After practice I would get ready for school and then go to my classes.  When school was over I went home and did as much homework as I could squeeze in before it was time to go to bed.  It never got all the way done, surprise surprise I know.  I would shower, then repeat the cycle over again the next day.  A lot of weekends were spent in my apartment studying or getting ready to go to a football game.  Then I would get up early Sunday morning and prepare my lesson if I had to teach because that was the only time I could fit it in (what I plan on doing this week as well).  

The whole thing was never ending.  There was always something to be done.  Cheer here, write there, do this, do that.  Lists were always running through my mind so I wouldn't forget something important that I was supposed to do.  Most of the time I remembered what I was supposed to do, but sometimes something would slip from my mind.  

Wondering where the social life fit into this?  Well it didn't.  Sad, I know.  I wanted a social life so badly, but that would have meant letting my grades suffer.  I wasn't about to let that happen.

I feel bad for my parents.  They received multiple calls about how stressed I was and I wasn't having any fun and how I didn't want to be in school anymore.  I told them I wanted to quit, but deep down I knew I wouldn't.  I would be so ashamed of myself for not getting a degree.  But what to graduate in? I still have no idea what I want to study.  There were many tears over the phone to my parents about all of my worries and stresses, and they were always there to comfort me.

I went home to my family as often as I could.  I needed to get away from school and all my worries for some weekends.  Going home was the highlight of my semester.  It was somewhere where I didn't have to think about my tests or papers that were due the next week.  I could actually sit down and watch something I wanted to watch without my roommates beating me to the T.V. and have them watching something during my favorite shows.  I had real food while I was at home too.  Getting good wholesome meals felt good to my nutrition deprived body.  Home was just a place of relaxation and good times with my family.  I'm grateful for only being an hour away from home so I can go home.  

Next semester I am going to take a lighter work load.  That way I won't feel so burdened and weighed down all the time by school work.  Don't get me wrong, it is college and I know there is still going to be lots of work to do, but hopefully not as much.  I am going to fit in a social life somewhere so I can get relief from school and the stresses of life.  Goodbye bad first semester.  Hello hopefully better second semester.

40 min.