Supplemental Post B: Peeves

I have a lot of pet peeves. My biggest pet peeve is one that contributes to many others, inconsideration. I feel like there are way too many self-important inconsiderate people in this world. There are too many people going around thinking their lives are the only important thing in the world, and acting as if other people's live's don't matters. I realize that all people are by nature selfish, but I think there are a lot of us that consider that there are other people in this world and without them, we wouldn't be able to live our lives. I am not by any means saying I am perfect, because well if you know me, it is obvious I am not, but I really do try to be considerate of the people around me.
Take bad driving for example, that is a result of being inconsiderate. Someone decides that getting to their destination as quickly as possible is more important than anyone else getting to their destination. They have too much going on in their lives to realize there are other people on the road trying to get to their destinations as well. They get into the lane they know is ending in order to get ahead of the polite drivers waiting patiently in their own lanes. They pull out in front of other drivers when there isn't enough time. It is all based on being inconsiderate. If everyone thought of the people who are driving the other vehicles rather than just the vehicle itself, I think people might be more considerate.
Another example of inconsideration is the wonderful boys that live in the last townhouse in my complex. From what I understand they are renting from a couple that bought the townhouse. They are one of the homes in my area that aren't occupied by families, and they make it well known. All summer long they sat outside without shirts (don't even get me started on guys thinking everyone wants to see them without shirts), drank beer and barbecued. They have wild drunken parties until late at night, and altogether disrupt our would be quiet family neighborhood. One of their lovely parties involved someone driving across all of our front lawns and ruining the grass in a beautiful tire mark all the way down the block. They don't worry about anyone else in the neighborhood. Only their fun matters.
The last example is of snotty people in general, I really don't know what contributes to these people, or why they do act the way they do, but frankly it is embarrassing. These people are rude to waiters or people working behind the counter at fast food. Last fourth of July, my husband and I were at Goldofo's right in the middle of all the festivities. It was extremely busy and the three guys working there were doing the best they could. The place was packed and a lot of people were standing. Some people that came after us swooped in and took the seats we were standing politely next to waiting to be vacated. The group started sitting down before the people leaving had even gathered their stuff yet. There was another group who were somehow blind to how crowded the place was and kept going back up to the counter and asking when their sandwiches would be done. New flash, bothering the guys making the sandwiches won't get yours made any faster.
None of this sounds as bad as it actually is in the moment. I just know that for the most part, I try to be aware of the circumstances surrounding me and how other people might be feeling. Not that I am a saint by any means, I just try to practice common courtesy. I think common courtesy is just not as common as it once was, and it is becoming more lost with every generation.

42 minutes

Week 11 Prompt B

New conclusion:
Africa has many problems that it is currently struggling with. It's fighting poverty, corruption, greed, environmental deterioration, etc. These issues are dominating Africa right now; they are losing this war. They have a huge amount of resources and yet this only causes the people of Africa to suffer. Do I believe that Africa can bring stability to the future? No, I do not. Africa is a mess at this point and I do not believe it could be of any help to the world, as far as bringing stability goes. How could Africa bring stability to the world if it cannot even bring stability to itself? Africa will bring stability to the world when the world can bring stability to Africa.

15 minutes

Old conclusion:
I think that Africa is very promising; it has a lot of potential but not a lot of action. The governments of Africa need to crack down on corruption and help out the countries that are in dire need of it, such as Nigeria. I believe that the people would be more prone to respecting their government if they felt that they were actually being cared for. African people suffer from so much disease and poverty and many of the diseases that Africans die from are diseases that could be easily cured if they had proper medical treatment, or even avoided if the people didn't suffer from malnutrition. Africa can bring stability to the world, when the world brings stability to Africa.

I'm sure these could be combined, but I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure I should even use either of them. I believe them both to be true, but I'm just not sure I completely back them up in my paper. I think I could use better word choice and I doubt it's poetic in any way. I honestly hate revision with a passion because all I can ever see are errors. It's depressing to not really be able to take pride in your work because you think it's so flawed. That's just how I feel. I don't really want to work on this anymore so I'm going to say I'm done.

Kara Lohberg
40 minutes

Prompt B

Original Conclusion:

All in all, the sense of taste is an important feature of our bodies. We can find pleasure through the vital act of eating through our perception of taste. We can be warned of dangerous toxins in foods or other things before they enter our bodies. There are a lot of factors that affect our preferences in taste; environment, odor, history, appearance, mood, and others. Our ability to perceive tastes and flavors really improves our quality of life. Imagine life without knowing the delectable taste of chocolate, the savory taste of barbeque ribs, or the delicious taste of an apple. Life just would not be as enjoyable.

Rewritten Conclusion:

Food is an important aspect of daily life that is often overlooked. We must eat daily to receive strength and nourishment. The flavors of food make this necessity enjoyable. Different flavors evoke different emotions; the flavors of certain soups make me feel comfort, the flavor of cough medicine makes me feel nauseous, and the flavor of cookies makes me miss my mom. The sense of taste is crucial to our quality of life. Without taste, food is less enjoyable. Without enjoyment, eating is a struggle. Without eating, we cannot be healthy. I never appreciated the ability we have to perceive such delicious tastes. As I have come to understand the complex way our bodies taste food, I have a greater appreciation for the food that I do enjoy. For me, eating is a great pleasure in life and should be enjoyed. With that, I think I will go enjoy some delicious food.

Combination Conclusion:

Food is an important aspect of daily life that is often overlooked. We must eat daily to receive strength and nourishment. The sense of taste does several things for this necessity; we can be warned of harmful toxins in things that enter our bodies or receive some pleasure from the things we eat. Different flavors evoke different emotions; the flavors of certain soups make me feel comfort, the flavor of cough medicine makes me feel nauseous, and the flavor of cookies makes me miss my mom. The sense of taste is crucial to our quality of life. Without taste, food is less enjoyable. Without enjoyment, eating is a struggle. Without eating, we cannot be healthy. Imagine life without knowing the way the taste of the food we eat. I never appreciated the ability we have to perceive such delicious tastes. As I have come to understand the complex way our bodies taste food, I have a greater appreciation for the food that I do enjoy. For me, eating is a great pleasure in life and should be enjoyed.

I like my rewritten conclusion more than my original, I think that it adds more personal than the original (which is what I’m working on adding to my whole essay). I did like some of the ideas from the original that weren’t in the rewritten, so I added them into the rewritten. I think it is better than at first, but the whole conclusion probably still needs some work. Conclusions are my weakest point in writing, I can never figure out how to write them without sounding redundant or cheesy. Any suggestions would be so great.

45 Minutes

Week 11: Revision Exercises

A. Make an appointment with the grammar tutor at the writing center. Work on your ruminative essay together. After your session, write a reflection summarizing what you learned and how that knowledge will help you in class and beyond English 150.

B. In 15 minutes write a new conclusion to your ruminative essay. Do not read your original conclusion first. Think about the essence of your essay and write. Then return to your original conclusion. If they can build on each other, combine them. If one is better, follow it further. Play around with sentence and paragraph structure and order. Reconsider word choice. How can it be more engaging? Poetic? Do you end on the note you want? Why/why not?

C. Revise your ruminative essay down to 500 words. What is lost by this? What new directions do you see in your essay now? What is at the core of your thoughts? What should be deleted from the longer version? Follow one of your new insights for 300 words. Post it with your 500 word rumination essay. Would this fit into your larger piece?